REAL Immigration Reform – What My President Would Do


August 6, 2013 by Anders Ingemarson

Here we are some six months after the bipartisan immigration “reform” effort was introduced. As I said at the time, I’m leery of anything bipartisan but decided to be a good sport and consider the glass half-full as I addressed miscellaneous misconceptions about immigration. Well, it appears my initial default glass-is-half-empty gut reaction was right, because nothing meaningful seems to be coming out of Washington thanks to obstructive anti-immigrant behavior on both sides.

But instead of complaining about Washington’s unprincipled impotence, let’s listen to what my president would do about immigration. This is one presidential speech you don’t want to miss. Enjoy!

“Fellow Americans, today I’m proud to announce the launch of the ‘Welcome Home’ initiative. This initiative will realize the American vision of extending an invitation to all Americans-in-mind around the globe to come home. I think of the men and women who have had the misfortune of being born in the wrong country but who share our commitment to the fundamental truths that all men are created equal and have the individual rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

“Sadly, we have created quite a mess for ourselves at home and in our dealings with our rogue foreign enemies over the past few decades, so we won’t be able to proceed as quickly as we may have wished. But as we get the economy humming, and sort out our problems with entitlements, healthcare, education, prohibition on drugs, and terrorist threats, the ‘Welcome Home’ initiative will pick up pace. By the end of my two terms in office I expect our country to be open for business to every honest man and woman who desires to come here [frantic activity among journalists in the audience: “he’s announcing running for a second term two months into his first!”].

“The ‘Welcome Home’ initiative consists of three simple steps towards citizenship: Apply, Arrive, and Commit:

1. Apply

Anyone may apply for admittance to the United States. We will accept applications on a first come first served basis and place them in two queues, one for applicants sponsored by a U.S. employer or citizen, and one for the non-sponsored.

We will admit 1 Million applicants from each queue the first year. This is about twice the number of individuals that are currently allowed into the United States annually. In subsequent years, we will increase admittance by 0.5 Million annually, equally divided between the two queues, until the demand is satisfied.

Individuals who are already unofficially in the country may, and I’m sure will, apply as well. Those who can provide proof of residence one year before the ‘Welcome Home’ initiative becomes law will be granted a special exemption allowing them to stay in the country while waiting for official admittance.

2. Arrive

Once admitted, an individual is free to enter the country. To demonstrate a commitment to ‘coming home’, we will not make any federal assistance available to newcomers, be it education, healthcare, welfare, or other entitlements. State and local authorities may provide assistance if their inhabitants so choose, as may businesses and religious and other charitable organizations.

This rule applies to individuals who are unofficially in the country as well. They will have a choice: apply, arrive officially, and forego any federal support they may currently be receiving, or continue to live in fear in the shadows.

3. Commit

Five years after arrival, individuals are eligible to apply for U.S. citizenship. Once their application has been approved and they have taken the oath, they have all the rights of a U.S. citizen, including the right to vote and the right to benefit from any federal programs that may still be in existence.

“I and my administration will work closely with Congress to make ‘Welcome Home’ a roaring success. Joining me here today are Representative X and Senator Y who will head the congressional ‘Welcome Home’ caucus. As they will tell you, they have already received commitments from [insert number] members of both sides, and the numbers are increasing by the day. We expect that ‘Welcome Home’ will become law before the end of this legislative session.

“We have also engaged our business and charitable communities of which you see but a few representatives here [introduce a broad spectrum of representatives from prominent businesses and religious and other charitable organizations]. These and many others organizations across the country have pledged their support of the “Welcome Wagon”, a charitable initiative that will assist our newcomers with healthcare, education and other essentials that initially may be hard to come by.

“The ‘Welcome Home’ initiative will finally allow us to put past divisions behind us, and unleash the creative potential of all Americans, regardless of birthplace, when brought under one roof, the United States of America. I’m sure you are as excited as I am.”

Now, all that is missing is a theme song. But wait, here are a few to choose from courtesy of T-Mobile (the last one gets my vote).

8 thoughts on “REAL Immigration Reform – What My President Would Do

  1. You go, Anders! Outstanding!


  2. Mike says:

    You have my vote. And on the day that a person with your excellent ideas can get elected, we can assume that most of congress will be with you. Also, thanks for the link to the fun T-Mobile commercial.


  3. john zaugg says:

    Great. But you don’t sound like the president of any member of congress????


  4. Randy Corporon says:

    U6 unemployment rate (far more accurate than the traditional measure because it includes the people who have given up looking for a job) remains over 14%, and is substantially and disproportionately higher among black, Latino and youth populations. “Welcoming” 2 million more per year as permanent residents with full citizenship after 5 years is the ticket, if you want to maintain high unemployment rates and suppress lower and middle income wages. That’s one reason this strikes me as a bad idea.


    • Robert the Capitalist Radical. says:

      Immigrants do not suppress wages and even if they do, no one has a right to a wage determined by government force.


    • Hi Randy. I’m not familiar with U6 but 14% doesn’t surprise me. I’m not advocating that immigration reform be done in a vacuum, but I’m hoping that freedom and individual rights loving Americans can unite around a vision of free immigration instead of getting sidetracked by the immigration straw man: . Then we can discuss how to get from here to there. Take my presidential suggestions as the opening bid.
      I don’t think two presidential terms is unrealistic if coupled with and/or preceded by pro individual rights efforts in other areas: cut taxes, cut spending, and roll back regulation, and the economy would be humming at a 5-10% annual growth rate in no time. Unemployment would plummet and before you know it American employers would scream for help. Absorbing a couple of million immigrants per year in that context is a breeze).
      Salaries and wages may be temporarily depressed in certain industries, but as we both know there is no right to a certain pay, only the right to seek the best terms of employment one can find in the market place. And temporarily lower wages translates to lower prices and/or higher profits which would further fuel the growth rate, create more jobs, increase productivity and, yes, raise pay. Get on board!


  5. Robert the Capitalist Radical. says:

    Nice to see principles in Action.


  6. Robert the Capitalist Radical. says:

    I would disagree with you on entitlements. I would propose no taxation in exchange to no access to welfare programs .


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